2019: A Year with Birth Control Medication

As usual it was a crazy year, maybe even crazier than others. The year started with 2 trips to the hospital (wow their processes and waiting games are unbearable 👎🏼) and it is confirmed that I have PCOS after months of feeling like I do, based from the symptoms.

With that I was prescribed to take birth control pills and that's what shaped my 2019.

My bloated face is gone, so is my acne!

December 2018

December 2019

December 2018

March 2019

If you will look at photos of me in December 2018, my face was really chubby! And my acne was really bad. I even tried expensive laser treatments but it just got worse. As it turns out the root cause was something else, something internal, it was PCOS.

A month after taking the pills my face stopped getting acne bumps. And I guess from there up until now it's the same. I still have a lot of redness to work on but it is enough for me not to wear makeup every day like I used to. This is the best my face got since I was in high school and I am content ✨

12 months straight of consistent menstrual period

I forgot to mention but when we went to Hong Kong Disneyland in 2018, I suddenly had my period. Nothing new except I had it too 2 weeks ago 🙄. Imagine how bad my day in the happiest place on earth ended after this sad news.

This was probably the biggest sign that says I have PCOS. My period had always been irregular and I would've appreciated when it occurs less. I usually get them late. About 1 and a half month of interval instead of 3 weeks. 

After taking the pills they are now consistent. And by consistent, I am also aware what week they arrive, instead of guessing 💆🏼‍♀️. 

All I feel is I want my bed

Sometimes when I say that the pills are making me want to stay home every day, they brush it off and tell me it's because I have a boyfriend now. It isn't 😭

I just literally want to lie down. All the time. I even spend less time going out in coffee shops because I would rather go home. And when I get home I do nothing yet there's no other place I'd rather be.

I don't get excited for travels and concerts as much as before

All I think about is, "When will this be over?" or all the sleep I will lose for this event.

I watched LANY's concert this year and last year. Both VIP standing. But this year it was "ok". I didn't want to admit it. Maybe their songs doesn't hit the same as before. Maybe because I already saw them. But standing a few feet away from Paul again, all I felt was, normal. This was the moment in time I realized that the pills are working hard in making me down.

Good thing Paramore's concert was a year ago or else it might not be as perfect as it is in my head. 

I really enjoyed Coron, Batanes and Thailand and I used to say that planning is the best part. But this year I neglect it until the last minute. I'm not counting the days. I'm not interested when my friends remind me of the trips I will take. I just want them to be over with 😭😭😭. I was terrified that I will not like my trip to an elephant sanctuary in Chiang Mai, which is a dream of mine for years now, because of my condition.

Although when I'm already there at my destination, I really like it. I get to live my best life. Everything before, like even just hours before, I get my doubts.

Once AJ and I went on an overnight trip in Manila. I didn't post anything online about it. And also I just took several naps.

I don't take pictures any more

2017 and 2018 I fell in love with taking photos. 2019 I only had 1 shoot in January. My Instagram accounts for these were quiet. I don't even know where I left my camera most of the time.

I still have some backlogs to post in my account but I don't see myself editing those soon.

Granted so many things happened this year (my mom died, I was promoted to a more stressful role), but I know I still could've make time for it. Every time I do take pictures I like it. I really have fun the same as before. I guess the difference is I won't get my camera for no reason any more. And I don't plan trips just for the photos any more.

I learned to enjoy the simple things

Because I was always down and because I prioritize sleep now, even in travels(!!!), I have a new found joy from not doing anything. I now love my routines and living my domestic life with AJ. Grocery shopping, preparing meals, breakfast, Netflix. My favorite days are days spent at home. I am also back with reading my novels every day, a hobby I thought I had lost.

I still see my friends and make plans with them but I now often forget to take photos and share it online.

And with that I have also learned to really enjoy things. I am holding my phone and camera less which also means I spend more time admiring what's in front of me.  I already know this before and always advocated that most things are not supposed to be "just for the photo," but this year I had more time (because taking photos are hard work! 📸💃🏽). 

I really didn't see the effects it had on me, not until after months. I thought I wasn't feeling ok because of mama but there was more to it. If you look online for the side effects of birth control, there are a lot! I may also experience the others but feeling down all the time is the worse part 💆🏼‍♀️.

Okay, now back to sleep 😴.